does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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