Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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