i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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