it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
