i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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