Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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