Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Duck Duck Cougar?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
