In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
