did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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