she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
