I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
