Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
