Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
