I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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