I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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