New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize