as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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