It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
