I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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