yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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