I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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