Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
