it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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