even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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