My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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