I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
