did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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