Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
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Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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