dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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