id be glad to
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
