I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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