1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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