Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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