why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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