My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
