thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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