she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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