Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
