whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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