i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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