this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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