I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
