I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
