just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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