So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
