Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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