she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
