Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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