The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
