Can i not drive my cunt home
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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