I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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