Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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