woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
