So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
