So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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