Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
