I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize