Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
