I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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