I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
