I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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