Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
