a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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