I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
