Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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