I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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