One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
