The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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