my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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