I'm gonna have a badass scar
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
