Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
