sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
