I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
