She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
